Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Feeling the Love

I thought about making today’s post more light-hearted and fun.  But I feel compelled to write about the things that are pressing so constantly on my heart.  In the last couple of months, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of God’s love and how His love functions in our lives.  At the beginning of the year, I had a major epiphany about the nature of God’s love…that it isn’t confined to just the relationship between us and the Lord, but plays into and even feeds the love in all of our relationships.  His love is in everything, but more than that…fuels everything good in this world.  So, when I am alone, I am not really alone.  He is there.  When I’m afraid, discouraged, cast down, depressed, frustrated, He’s right there with me.  I am not alone.  I can’t explain what an incredible revelation this was to me and how it changed my entire life.  I didn’t have to cling after others to fill the gaping hole in my heart because there was no more hole.  He had filled it and healed it, even retroactively.  Beyond fantastic.  So many past wounds (gaping, festering wounds) were healed.

"My ways are not your ways."

Today, I was reminded of a difficult experience I had before this beautiful revelation.  A few months ago, I was very seriously ill.  The doctors were running many tests and couldn’t seem to find out for several weeks what was wrong with me.  Well, one night, I was horribly ill and lying on my bathroom floor.  I had no strength to stand.  I didn’t have my phone with me, and couldn’t even call out for my roommate.  I was delirious with fever.  As I lay there, I prayed and prayed for God to send someone to help me, to wake up my roommate, anything.  But no one came.  Eventually, He gave me the strength to stand and go back to either the bed or the couch (I can’t remember).  In the following days as the fever progressed, and I still couldn’t eat anything, I prayed more.  “Please send someone.  Let someone know how sick I am.  I can’t do this alone.”  No one came. 

At one point, though, the words came into my mind and heart, “I am here.  You are not alone.  Be still.”   The miracles that I prayed for had not been granted, but I was given peace to know that He had me.  I was in His hands.  What else could I ask for?  And in the following weeks, miracles did happen.  My roommate was there a lot of the time.  The doctors were able to find what was wrong with me and in time to prevent any further damage to my body.  


So, what did I learn from all of this?  So many things, but here are a few:

-God is in charge.  He will not leave us, but will not always answer us in the ways we are seeking.
-He has a plan.  Praying is intended to align our will with His and to entreat Him for the blessings He’s already waiting to grant us.
-In those times when I think I can’t take one more moment of suffering, He knows me better than I know myself, and I usually have some little reserve of strength left to get me through.  I am stronger than I know, and when I’m not, He’s stronger than me.
-It’s important to continue to ask for help, both from the Lord and from others, even when I feel like I’ve asked once and that should be enough.  There are more things to learn from humility than from stubbornness.
-Don’t be afraid to ask for miracles.  They will happen.  Sometimes in the ways we ask, and sometimes in other ways, but they do happen.

The Lord’s love is there.  Constant, unchanging, and unconditional.  We have only to reach out.  Where have you seen the hand of God or His love in your life today?
If you need a prompt to help you think of something, watch this video.


  1. I didn't read it all, because, well nothing blew up and something else shinny happened, but I want you to know I miss you. Write on girlfriend sista. Write on.

  2. I love the idea of God feeding all other love. I am so sorry for your experience of feeling utterly alone and helpless, and yet times like that bring us closer to Him.
    God saved me. He continues to save me. I am saved through His gospel. I am saved from the most bitter, confusing mind. I am saved from imprisoning habits that present themselves as freedom. I am saved from indifference and shown that having structure, boundaries, and righteous goals are actually the most freeing of all.
    I sometimes get frustrated because some of those I love most are trapped. They do not recognize God. They don't recognize His ways and haven't followed them, rather pushed against them. As a result they deal with horrible suffering. I truly feel that I haven't done anything particularly wonderful, just that I have remained fairly obedient. When I make mistakes I attempt to recognize and make course corrections. As a result I feel I have been blessed. My life seems to have a positive direction and I am grateful. I feel God's love for me.
    Yet there is an aching in my heart. I try to deny it and push it aside but it's there. There is an aching for the pain and suffering of those I love. Never wanting to deny God, yet wanting the pain to subside, I pretend I don't care. I become distant, removed, and let them live their lives. They don't seem to mind my absence. It doesn't work. I can still feel theirs. I still feel their pain as much as I wish I didn't. I still hope for their reconciliation with God and Christ knowing They are the only ones who can truly heal and help them. Yet even when I live my life to myself, even when I don't invite them to God, they mock it. They mock me. Then I hurt more. I hurt for them and the denial and misunderstanding they have of the redemption they could have.
    Still, I know they must be hurting even more than I am. I recognize that perhaps I should be more comfortable with suffering for them, and less focused on the pain I feel. I can be more selfless than this. I can learn.
    In attempting to learn of and obtain Christlike love I study charity. I came across this:
    "The purpose of Charity, however, is not merely to motivate us to act more charitably toward other people... The ultimate purpose is to make Christ's followers like Him."
    I still don't understand how God and Christ can have unconditional love for all. I think of how Their hearts must ache constantly. Yet, I know that being eternal they experience ultimate joy. I have hope that there will come a day that I will learn to be able to obtain the Charity of God. I have hope that one day I can love as He loves, ache for those I love that suffer, but still experience joy.
    I feel my Saviors love in my life. I will continue to seek it out until I understand it better and can live it more fully. Until then...

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. We can not deny the achings in our hearts. Pushing them aside will only buy us a little time. Letting go doesn't equal ignoring. When we put our lives and our hearts in God's hands, He will heal us. Then by having His love flow through us, it can flow out to others without leaving us feeling drained. Hang in there. He's got you.


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